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06
Dec 09
Being Thankful at Thanksgiving
Nov 30, 2009 07:08:43 PM, jhaberkorn@mac.com wrote:
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I just want to thank all of you for your educational e-mails over the past year. I am totally screwed up now and have little chance of recovery. I no longer open a public bathroom door without using a paper towel or have them put lemon slices in my ice water without worrying about the bacteria on the lemon peel.
I can’t use the remote in a hotel room because I don’t know what the last person was doing while flipping through the adult movie channels.
I can’t sit down on the hotel bedspread because I can only imagine what has happened on it since it was last washed.
I have trouble shaking hands with someone who has been driving because the number one pastime while driving alone is picking ones nose (although cell phone usage may be taking the number one spot).
Eating a little snack sends me on a guilt trip because I can only imagine how many gallons of Trans fats I have consumed over the years.
I can’t touch any woman’s purse for fear she has placed it on the floor of a public bathroom.
I MUST SEND MY SPECIAL THANKS to whoever sent me the one about poop in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.
ALSO, now I have to scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time.
I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena has granted my every wish.
I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.
I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.
THANKS TO YOU I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes.
BECAUSE OF YOUR CONCERN, I no longer drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.
I no longer can buy gasoline without taking someone along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m pumping gas.
I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr. Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put ‘Under God’ on their cans.
I no longer use Saran Wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.
AND THANKS FOR LETTING ME KNOW I can’t boil a cup of water in the microwave anymore because it will blow up in my face… Disfiguring me for life.
I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.
I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.
I no longer receive packages from UPS or Fed Ex since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.
I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don’t support our American troops or the Salvation Army.
I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda , Singapore , and Uzbekistan.
I no longer buy expensive cookies from Neiman Marcus since I now have their recipe.
THANKS TO YOU I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my butt.
AND THANKS TO YOUR GREAT ADVICE I can’t ever pick up $5.00 dropped in the parking lot because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
I can no longer drive my car because I can’t buy gas from certain gas companies!
I can’t do any gardening because I’m afraid I’ll get bitten by the brown recluse and my hand will fall off.
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, a large dove with diarrhea will land on your head at 5:00 p.m. Tomorrow afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest your back, causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbor’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician . . .
Oh, by the way…..
A German scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient brain activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse.
Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late.
30
Nov 09
12 Second Commute
If you are tired of commuting to a job you hate and working for someone else, then it is time to make a change.
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No credit card information is accepted until and if you decide to purchase.
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26
Nov 09
7% – A Must Read
This is something we should all read at least once a week!!!!! Make sure you read to the end!!!!!!
Written By Regina Brett, 90 years old, of The Plain Dealer, Cleveland, Ohio
“To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 45 lessons life taught me.
It is the most-requested column I’ve ever written.
My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:
1. Life isn’t fair, but it’s still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It’s more healing than crying alone.
8. It’s OK to get angry with God. He can take it.
9. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
10. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
11. Make peace with your past so it won’t screw up the present.
12. It’s OK to let your children see you cry.
13. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
14. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn’t be in it.
15. Everything can change in the blink of an eye. But don’t worry; God never blinks.
16. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.
17. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
18. Whatever doesn’t kill you really does make you stronger.
19. It’s never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else
20. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don’t take no for an answer.
21. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don’t save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
22. Over prepare, then go with the flow.
23. Be eccentric now. Don’t wait for old age to wear purple.
24. The most important sex organ is the brain.
25. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
26. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ‘In five years, will this matter?’
27. Always choose life.
28. Forgive everyone everything.
29. What other people think of you is none of your business.
30. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.
31. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
32. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
33. Believe in miracles.
34. God loves you because of who God is, not because of anything you did or didn’t do.
35. Don’t audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
36. Growing old beats the alternative — dying young.
37. Your children get only one childhood.
38. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
39. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
40. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else’s, we’d grab ours back.
41. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
42. The best is yet to come…
43. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
44. Yield.
45. Life isn’t tied with a bow, but it’s still a gift.”
Its estimated 93% won’t forward this. If you are one of the 7% who will, forward this with the title ‘7%’.
I’m in the 7%. Friends are the family that we choose for ourselves
19
Nov 09
Big Bang Advertising
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Their overall services include full website reviewing, hand and auto-submission to all the search engines, monthly account updating and complete technical support, free GoodKeyword Pro copy, $100 each credit with pay-per-click search engines like LookSnap.com and QuestClick.com. You get all these and more – services combines worth no less than $700 – with SpinSuccess at the most humble price of $29.95 as monthly membership subscription charges for a limited period. They also offer you a 7 night vacation for the two of you with more than 1000 breathtaking destinations to select from.
The primary motto of the SpinSuccess team is to ensure your one hundred percent satisfaction and pleasure. They are definitely the most effective advertising for the price they charge, with the guarantee of rating your website among the top ten rankers in any search result. This increases your visibility to your prospects and makes it a lot easier on their part to hunt you out. More than 90% people find what they are looking for through the search engines. The SpinSuccess team understands this and delivers you the services that will never fail you. Do not believe it? Just take a look at what their customers have to say about them!
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10
Nov 09
Leaders Helping Leaders
Here is an idea how we can help every one of our online friends. I believe this is a win / win situation for all of us.
HOLD ON TO YOUR SHORTS!
First a little background. Personally, I have made a lot of friends online. I’d love to join the programs of all of my new friends, but the reality is it cannot be done. I don’t like blasting out messages (like this one) with a blatant ad trying to convince you that my program is better than yours. I’m quite sure you feel the same way.
So, what is the solution?
Well, let’s start by attempting to help one another. I’d bet that all of us belong to advertising programs. I’d also bet that these programs give advertising credits when you refer someone to that program. Here’s my idea.
Each of us will join each other’s favorite advertising program. You sign up for mine and I’ll sign up for yours. But, they MUST BE FREE TO JOIN, and you must earn credits for referring free members. Think what 50-100 new referrals would do for your advertising credits. However, you really do not need to work the program. This is for credits only.
The question comes up, “What if I already belong to your program?” Here is the solution… set up a new gmail account just for these new free memberships. Go to http://gmail.com
So, what do you think? Please let me know. Let’s get started. Join the program for free. Send me your link to your favorite free advertising program along with your user name you used to sign up for LeadsLeap, and I’ll sign up for your program. My username will be huntmick13. Email me your link and your LeadsLeap username to huntmick13@gmail.com
Let’s rock n roll.
Click here to join LeadsLeap. Then I will join your favorite free advertising program.
25
Oct 09
Instant Website Traffic
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16
Oct 09
About Mick Hunt
Here is a brief introduction video. I don’t think I am going to be nominated for an Academy Award anytime soon.
Mick Hunt
mickhunt.com
mhuntblog@gmail.com
610-670-5133 (PA, USA)
